25 January 2012

B-Fest 2012

Attention all Chicagoland fans of shitty movies: B-Fest, the annual 24 hour marathon of bad movies, is taking place this Saturday & Sunday at the Norris University Center on Northwestern University's campus in Evanston. Tickets are still available through their website for the relatively low cost of $35. I mean, that's about $1.46 per hour; half the rate of a pre-op Uruguayan hooker. Where else are you going to find a bargain like that?

Trust me: You'll reconsider once you've seen Avenging Disco Godfather.

Having attended many B-Fests back in the day, the most accurate way I can describe it is that it's a twenty-four hour episode of MST3K participated in by 300 people, all suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. During the annual screening of Plan 9 From Outer Space, paper plates are thrown when the alien spaceships appear on screen, while helpful visual aids and comments from jaded viewers usher the uninitiated through the "plot." The sublime Wizard of Speed and Time (another staple of the fest) is shown normally, then ran through the projector upside down and backwards, playing-out like a pleasant acid trip condensed into 6 minutes. Those are the only two recurring events; the remaining 22.5 hours are a glorious chaos.

But please, don't throw Chinet during Plan 9!

Over the past few years, I've had my problems with the direction B-Fest has taken. There were a few dark years when B-Fest relied too heavily on movies from the 80's and 90's, or movies that were intentionally bad (Tromeo & Juliet comes to mind) or resorted to mocking the classics (yeah, it's dated, but I'll brass-knuckle anyone who tells me that the original King Kong is a b-movie, motherfucker). But if ever there were a year to attend, this would be it. This year's lineup is a near-perfect mixture of classic schlock, newer camp and the unspeakably bizarre.

I'm not saying that Tarkan is definitely having sex with his dogs.
But a mustache like that doesn't lend itself to many other conclusions.

The amazing (but tentative) schedule for B-Fest 2012 is as follows:

6:00 p.m. Best of the Best
7:50 p.m. Astro Zombies
9:30 p.m. To Catch a Yeti
11:45 p.m. The Wizard of Speed and Time (short)
12:00 a.m. Plan 9 From Outer Space
1:25 a.m. Avenging Disco Godfather
3:00 a.m. Death Bed: The Bed That Eats
4:25 a.m. Tarkan vs. the Vikings
5:55 a.m. Mutant Hunt
7:15 a.m. Guru the Mad Monk
8:25 a.m. The Brain from Planet Arous
9:40 a.m. Stunt Rock
11:40 a.m. Road House
1:40 p.m. Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory
3:05 p.m. The Galaxy Invaders
4:30 p.m. It Came from Beneath the Sea

B-Fest 2012: Be There...And Be Square!


Jake said...

Best of the Best! By far the best martial arts film starring James Earl Jones and Eric Roberts.

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