07 February 2012

3 Things I Absolutely Hate


Everyone hates this time of year. It's cold. The days are still short enough that it can be dark when you leave for work in the morning and come home at night. 29 NFL teams are pissed that their teams didn't win the Super Bowl. It's the dead 2 months between football and baseball. Fantasy hockey is stupid. There's nothing fun to gamble on.

And guess what? I'm not immune.

Guess what else? I'm not going to do anything to help. Why is it my job to cheer you up? No, it's your turn to listen to me and everything that's making me choke on my own hate right now.

3 Things That Are Blinding Me With Hatred Equal To The Fury Of 10,000 Burning Suns

1. Kids In Strollers That Are Way Too Old To Be In Strollers

"BLEEEARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH..."
The easiest way for me to lose all faith in humanity is to go to the mall. One of the things that makes me want to punch parents in the face is when I see a kid that is WAY too old being pushed around in a stroller by their parents. Sometimes it's a kid that's maybe 5 or 6 years old. This weekend I swear I saw a kid that was at least 10 being pushed around by his goddamn parents. 10 YEARS OLD! THAT'S A FOURTH GRADER!

The reason this makes me so mad is the fact that it's clearly an example of shitty parenting. There's no other excuse. A kid that's too old for a stroller means one of the following things is true:

1. The parents are too lazy to keep an eye on their kid so they shove them into a stroller so they can give everything in the window of Aeropostale the amount of attention it deserves.
2. The kid is calling the shots and rather than stand up to a child they outnumber by at least 17 years (I hope), the parents give in and go further down the road of raising an asshole kid that is going to piss me off 12 years from now when I'm trying to pay them for my White Castle.

Seriously, when I see some of the truly awful parenting around me sometimes, I fear for having to deal with the next crop of adults that are coming along. Jesus, am I glad the world is ending this year.

(FUN FACT: While looking for the picture above, I found this little gem. The fact that the person asking the question gets so defensive means they know they're being a terrible parent. No 5 year old will ever complain  about walking around DISNEY WORLD. That's why it's DISNEY WORLD.)

2. People That Play Music On Their iPod/iPhone Without Headphones


When did it just become 'ok' to be loud and annoying, especially on public transportation? It seems like not a week goes by that I don't run into someone on the train that pulls out their phone or iPod or whatever and plays music on it a loud as they can. Without headphones. Just playing their music for all to hear.

And this is...ok?

I know that playing loud music wherever you went was awesome in the 80's, but that was out on the streets with an awesome ghetto blaster (usually accompanied with some awesome breakdancing on a piece of cardboard). But am I to believe that your need to listen to the newest Drake single is so goddamn strong that you cannot go ANOTHER SECOND without listening to it??? IS IT THAT LIFE CHANGING???

"No, that's fine! I wasn't trying to read or sit in a peaceful silence. Blare your music as loud as you want. Because this train car belongs to you. I'm glad you feel at home. Would a nice handjob from the person next to you make you more comfortable?"

3. People Over The Age Of 20 That Still Can't Spell Or Speak Or Stick To The Simple Rules Of Grammar


I saw that on Facebook today. And yes, I did unfriend the person that wrote it. I'm no grammar Nazi and I've made my fair share of typos. But seriously, the letters 'e' and 't' are not next to each other. This was no typo. This is what my ex-friend of mine actually thought was a proper thing to say.

If you'll all excuse me, I'm going to drink everything under the sink.

Mmmmmmm....

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